MOMMYHOOD CHRONICLES By: Anise Marshall
Let’s face it, being a mother is a pretty difficult life position. You literally have human lives in your hands *inserts evil laughter.*
Some stay at home mothers go by names like domestic engineer, household CEO and director of child development (my favorite one!). No matter the title, managing children can be a hassle. Heck, being a stay at home mother is hard! What’s even more difficult, Is having to manage multiple children. Now, let’s add the fact that those multiples are ALL GIRLS, Whew!
If mommyhood came with a job description, I imagine it would look a little something like this!
POSITION: Mother of girls
Title: Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma, Mother
JOB DESCRIPTION: Permanent and dependable leader who will break up fights, “sometimes” lend clothes, give advice when wanted and must be able to do any hairstyle even the ones that may seem impossible but they must all be different for all 5.
Mandatory requisite includes cooking lavish dinners on a budget. Food must be tasty, hot and presented at the allotted time.
Required to pay children money when needed and especially wanted for extra important events like waking up and breathing. This includes, but is not limited to, shoes, purses, clothes, accessories, hair supplies, did we mention shoes!?
Must be able to take trips to the mall and restaurant at the drop of a dime. Travel expenses not reimbursed. All-inclusive LYFT responsibilities also required but done for free.
Candidates must possess excellent communication, organizational and emotional skills and be willing to work 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
RESPONSIBILITIES: This position will last for the rest of your life. You will have to risk being in toxic environments, working when you are sick and willing to be hated for long periods of time for no apparent reason.
Proficient in pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and learning how to do algebra, geometry and calculus again.
Must be able to manage the time, schedule and life challenges of 6 different people at a time while also creating opportunities for other people to have fun.
Must be willing to go long periods of time without showering and never being able to go to the bathroom alone.
Agility is important for the times where things don’t go as planned so it is essential to have 3 backup plans for your backup plan.
You will get evaluations every holiday and birthday from family and friends.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required but you will learn quickly!
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: HAHA. You will pay us.
BENEFITS: As bad as the description may make you think this position is and although there is no financial gain, at first, you will know what unconditional love feels like. You will learn that hugs, kisses, smiles and laughter mean more than your entire job description. You will also learn the meaning of pure unconditional love.